Rebound 1

Kau pernah rasa jadi rebound?

Well, I did.

I was quite naive back then. I didn't even know the real definition of rebound. 

Or more to, I didn't even bother to know.

People talked about me being a rebound to this guy. They knew. And I still play innocent about it. I still remember he cried to me about how his girlfriend broke up with him and went with another guy. It was my first time hearing a guy crying so bad. And still is. Me, being a "good" friend, decided to stay along with him. Without realizing, he was "using" me at that time as a platform to ease his sadness/frustration.

As you know, this type of "hubungan" didn't last long. And it didn't end very well too.

Kenapa aku cerita pasal ni?

Sebab aku pernah alami proses sadness/frustration. And at the time, you were like scratching all over the place to find something/someone to overcome the emotion. Yes, you got it right. Aku pun pernah buat apa this guy buat. Atau, hampir buat.

Walaupun kau tau, it's wrong. Fatal for your own self and the other innocent human being.

Dasar degil.

and be the one, who catches all your tears

Yeah, shoot me. Bang.

Went MIA for quite some time.

After all the chaos that had happened in my life, well you can say, finally I'm breathing now.

2012-early 2015. Man, it was tough for me. Physically and mentally. I really, damn, pushed myself. I gained sweetest experience and for that experience my friend, tagged along with tonnes of bitterness.

I just came out from a darkest forest, ever.

Wait, no hug for me? Come on, I just survived that freaking, damp darkest FOREST.

Nevermind. Now, I can see the sunlight. It's time for me to plan ahead.

Bang.

knock knock, 1 2 3

Kau ditolak.

Sehinggakan kau rasa kau ini tidak punya akal yang penuh.

Akal yang terisi.

Kau cuma ada akal yang sedikit, refleksi daripada itu dapatlah remark "kau tidak mampu menyempurnakan kerja dengan baik, useless".

Kau punya saat kau rasa kau adalah aset, tetapi sekarang kau adalah asid semata!

Knock,knock. Can you please bring back my own self?

rainbow stripes, will you come out now?

"Look at the sky, there's no beginning to it and no ending.

Have you walked far enough to discover the beauty?"

Betapa fragile-nya hati aku ini. Ujian datang, terus terombang ambing! Bamm!

Hati, kau taknak ke kekal tenang?

Kenapa perlu kau hantar signal ke otak aku, saying you are not happy?

Otak, kau ada jawapan?

There will be no easy way out to make a choice. And to step out from your comfort zone, do different things altogether, it doesn't make any sense to certain people.

Allahu. Guide me.

you watch the past, go up in smoke

everything you do, make sure it comes from your heart. heart speaks, as i believe, louder, than your words.

it also applies when you try to write something. i enjoy reading stuff, and you'll know when someone writes for the purpose of trying to gain something (attention etc) or that he/she really likes to write and want to convey to others something, and those words coming truly from their heart. don't you get excited when you have the chance to read those pure writing?

ok, that's just the intro. i know exactly where to portray my happiness when i received 2 good news recently.  not many know the existence of this blog, so i can happily shout my excited-ness here, together with my closest friends who are still reading this!

firstly, i passed my ethics test. im so effing scared that i would fail the test as i answered so badly. but then i passed the test. Rezeki from Allah, indeed. Usaha sudah, tawakal and He is the One that will give and distribute rezeki, evenly. #notetomyself

secondly, i got an offer to work at a beautiful place, with nice scenery and working environment (1st impression only). now i'm at a cross-junction, planning for my future gear. which way should i turn, to the left or right? should i just complete my practical and get my certificate or abandoned those efforts for about 5 months, struggling everyday to get the certificate and grab the chance to work at a hot spot where the attorney general himself is working there? i thank Allah for this opportunity, my parents, family and friends who never stop supporting me, either in their doa or by receiving their motivated wish. how i love you all. as cliche as grammy speech, i know, but i appreciate every, those, tiny, little, efforts!

anyway, jangan stress pening-pening, moh le dengar lagu dulu

when the little woman letters, speak herself

i was alone, walking along a street. until i came to a junction, i saw he was standing on the other side. i watched him, luckily he cannot see me. i whisper to myself, what an opportunity to observe him now, without having been caught for doing so.

i stuck for a moment. the mild wind brushes his hair, giving the wavy effect to his hair. i smiled, he never failed to look smart with the hair. he wore a shirt, a stripes shirt where he folded the sleeves up until his elbow, and style it together with a faded jeans. he then completes the attire with a pair of sneakers. simple, but it looks neat and classy. he was holding a book, well..i wish i have a pair of eagle eyes to overcome the distance and catch the glimpse of the book's title.

the next second, i realized i was taking the right side of the road and he makes his way to the left side.

it has been years, and we are not seeing each other. even when we are that close.

do you ever realized that, dear?

disclaimer: again, this isn't my story.

to be continued.

talk about our future, like we had a clue

i met him. it was during December, so far my memory allows me to recall. i love how he stimulates my brain, throwing me questions and facts i never bother to look upon. i love how content and einstein-ly our conversation was. in the midst of our solemn discussion, he cracks out with the jokes. i refused to laugh, even to grin a bit. trying to play hard as i can. we exchanged stories, in the giddy train, which brought us then to a place i wish to keep it as secret.

i love how he wears his converse, he looks cool with it. his checkered shirts, and his hair.he is my obstructionism.

oh, please don't misunderstand. this is not my story.

..to be continued.